she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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