Porn is love you can see.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
