"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
