You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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