so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
