I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
