WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize