I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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