they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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