The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
