Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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