So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
