Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
