i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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