The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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