i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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