the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
