Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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