dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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