i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
