Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
