It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
