Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
