Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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