don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
