There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
