I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
