Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
