oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
