I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
