Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
