When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
