I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
