If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
