Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize