I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
