Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
