dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
