You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
