I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize