just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
