i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
