I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
