question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
