for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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