Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
