I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
