Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
