why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
