we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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