Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
