HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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