Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
