I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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