I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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