my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
