whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so let's talk penis.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
