So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They are going to name an STD after you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
