But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
