Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just googled if crying burns calories
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
