I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
