glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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