sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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