Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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