I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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