her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
