Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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