What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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