Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
