New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
