...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
