you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
