I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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