I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I could fuck to npr.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
