i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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