I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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