dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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