I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Alive.
So much puke
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
