look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
