just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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