I just made out with a guy for $7.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
