If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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