Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
