Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
