I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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