it hurts more in the daytime
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
